Confessions of Christmas Eve

This topic is a little hard to blog about

But its the first thing i wanted to do ever since i woke up this morning

I slept thinking about it, i woke up still thinking about it

If i had energy to dream, i would have dreamt about it, all those bittersweet memories

But despite my motivations

I procrastinated till now

I opened a lot of pages,watched a lot of videos and read a lot of blogs before i came back to mine

And i wondered, if it is really that important to me to write this post

Cz i need to clear my brain before i can really study

I am not emotional. I just needed a break

And i thought, why not?

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Lost games of dominos yesterday cz im too stupid

And questions kept flying

I wasnt prepared. I didnt even realise they knew.

It was awkward.

Not that im trying to avoid answering. I just didnt know how to answer.

They asked me, if i was hurt. I told them, no.

Actually i didnt answer them. I never exactly replied.

Because i cant remember what that feeling was like.

It felt as if i'm immobilized after so long.

When thoughts are left untouched for a long time

We tend to prefer keeping them in comfort zones inside the brain.

I dont know about you, but i do.

Its there, but its just a corner as a part of your life, collecting dust, but appreciably cherished.

Because i kept too many things to myself, i admit

I wasnt shy, I wasnt selfish, but I preferred to be in the background

And i wondered, why my personality is such

I am trying to change, but sometimes, things cant be changed

But the answer to the question: Its yes. If i were to say its 100% no, who am i fooling?

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Feelings, this 8-letter-word, is an abstract

There is no right or wrong doings, no right or wrong feelings, i was taught years back

I used to acknowledge this. But then i thought,

If everyone is not responsible about their feelings, how will the world be?

I do not know how to elaborate, but since the person who taught me that is no longer friends with me or as perhaps forgotten me, i see no need to further explain because its not worth it.

The stories were long, but they were over.

There were times when i was waiting, but the times of disappointments were even more

Of cz, at times i was true. But thats no longer the issue.

Let them be memories cherished, and not burdens carried forward

Let the parts of confessions of Christmas eve, be safely left in the past of 24 Dec 2011 promise?

But anyway, thankss a lot for being there for me.

Appreciated, from the depths of my heart. I am sincere.

=)

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2011 is going to pass, and i felt that this year really flew through

Looking back at fb timeline recently, i felt that i didnt do anything this year that has made me proud of myself and what i have done

I felt.. a little disappointed. I wasnt a good daughter. I wasnt a good sister. I wasnt a good friend

Slowly and slowly, i am beginning to feel myself changing

I dont know who i am changing to. I am scared. I dont know who i will be. Uncertainty.

And i wonder, what will 2012 bring?

Is it the end of the world?

If it is, i think i will die with regrets. Because i have not done what i wanted to do.

But then again, what is it that i want to do badly when my goals are badly defined?

So just pray hard, the world will not end too fast for you and for me =)

Plz god, give me a sense of satisfaction of living before taking me away

But right now, what i need badly is to go for a hair cut

Because in almost all my recent photos... undescribable... T.T

Study week is starting, happy studying to all of us =)

And happy spray drying to me .. hope all goes well and nothing explodes =)

God bless. Muakzz

Thankss for everything, i am learning to grow ♥

Ending this post with pictures from fb timeline throughout the 4 years

Similar people, different years-- generation pictures

But every year, there's one similarity-- which is that i look super stupid lol

First year =)) The aunty dress which i bought omg

2nd year.. i violated the black and white team by wearing red zzZ

Third year, i became super fat =.=

Fourth year, my face looks super round =.=

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I admit, i am not pretty.

But love me for who i am, and not how i look can you? =)

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
=)

December 25 Hours 1736