The First Time

The first time we held hands

I told myself

I wanted to hold your hand forever.

When you smile

I wanted to see you smile becz of me

Then reality starts sinking in

And there are a lot of unhappiness and issues that came in

At times, i really wonder if you are the one for me.

Is this the original person which i had loved?

Why is he so different?

Or is it me

Is it me who has high expectations?

I just wanted something simple that every girl would want.

I start to plan how i want to achieve that goal

I want to build a world with you.

But then you are unhappy.

You say i should have accepted you the way you are.

I argued back.

I asked you. 

What is wrong with improving?

Its for your own good. Its a way to show me that you care for our future.

You told me, 

If i realy love you, i should have accepted you the way you are.

You want me to accept.

At the same time, did you care enough to ask me why i wanted you to do so?

You didnt. You just thought i was selfish. I wanted you to be who i wanted you to be.

At that moment, i started to wonder

Who am i to you. Is it that hard to do something for me?

Then you asked me

Why cant you do something for me?

I want to tell you

I am already trying a lot to make you happy

I disagree with my parents. I did not go home for weeks.

Do you know that it is very hard for me?

They are the ones who raised me up

I have just known you for 2 years

But still, i chose to stand by you. 

I also need to take care of their feelings instead of yours alone.

Dont talk about mine yet.

All you wanted me to do

I try my best to do for you.

In all the midst of things that im facing. 

You say you are always the one travelling.

Do you know that i also wanted to go home

And then you said you wanted to buy a house

How can i promise to buy a house with you when we are not stable

Then you are not happy again

You keep quiet and told me nothing happen la

Do you know it also hurts me

We are not an ordinary couple

But i wanted my best to be there for you to solve the first initial issue that we have.

You are not open for discussion.

You keep thinking im forcing you instead of getting to the root of the problem.

You say, i dont support you in your decision.

I was wrong. I sincerely apologise.

I really dont know what we should do now

Maybe its going to be over

As im typing this im crying and crying

Then tomorrow when im at work i need to put on a mask and tell everyone im fine

I know you are tired

But im tired too

Can you please tell me

What i should do

Maybe Its The End

Its Sunday and im crying again
Pathetic right, it is almost going on like a routine.

I dont want to, but tears flow naturally

I feel so weak. This is not me. But im also human

What am i doing? Is it so hard to have a happy ending

Is it the end?

But i find it very hard to let go

My heart is painful, really painful.

Im really really tired.

Argue, argue, argue for the same reason over and over again

Can someone wake me up when its all over?

For almost 2 years, i keep asking myself the same question. 

Why cant you change for me? 

You told me that you wont change for anyone bcz its not the original you any longer.

But in my eyes

Whats wrong with changing for the better?
Whats wrong with trying something new?

Its for our future.

Is it so hard to do something for me?

Its not that i want you to be extremely rich, or extremely clever.

I just want us to be happy

Just like any ordinary couple.

Without any pressure.

From the start, we knew this problem existed
But we held on for so long
But it cant be forever this way
Problems need to be faced

I know you are tired, but im tired too.
Tired because i was serious in this relationship

I should have walked and turn away so that we do not hurt one another further

But i cant

If you still want this relationship

Please do what you should

His Birthday :)

One year has passed and its his birthday again..

Happy birthday to you dear..

Wish you everyday healthy and happy and be more guai..

And take care of me more :D Hehe

Drove back to Ipoh to celebrate..

Although we only managed around half a day's celebration as i have to rush back for my trip

I hope its a memorable one for you :)

This is the 2nd present i have given to him for his birthday! 

Can i expect at least 3 presents on my birthday? Hahaha

Firstly went over for a quick breakfast, prior to going for a movie date

22 Jump Street.. which i regretted buying becz its downright boring

And all the while i was shivering in the cinema and we were both waiting for the movie to end

Maybe i was really a bad planner.. but i really did not know what to plan..

In the end, i hope what matters are that we both spent quality time together :)

On a day which was yours.

Lets take a selfie :) 

Birthday boy must have a cake on his birthday.. 

And its my fav cake lol

I hope you had a great birthday, although in between we had work calls etc ..

Every year will be a better birthday :)

Many loves

Belated birthday post 30 July 2014, Hours 2043

Paintings and Art

Maybe it's due to the need to save some money

So we decided to go somewhere more 'economical', haha

That's when we decided to go for a photo session randomly

It's in equine park @ atmosphere

Next time will go again with more company for more poses, lol 

Lazy to describe but here goes.. :) 

 Selfie with my Xperia 

 Open the door to a new world :) 

#if only it's that easy.. 

 books and money..

And me :) 

 colourful nature friendly pic :) 

Such a big snake and ladders board

Let's throw a dice and start a game or two :) 

 3D painting 

 socialing? 

 didn look at the camera =.=

Together :) 

It's July :) 

Weekend

Just a very random post

These are one of the few moments when I wish I have a netbook where I cn post without having to rely on my phone

Suddenly, miss you terribly..

Really wish you are here with me now to hug me and protect me

To be with you in everything you do.

My driver

My dear

Good night

🌃 

Hope that the days ahead will be those filled with laughter and ☺

July 15 2014

Hours 2252

Faith

Dont know why..

Back from work and decided to blog today.

Perhaps it already the beginning of July 2014, a new quarter a new post?

Throughout this whole year, i felt like i have really grown a lot.

In what sense.. i really dont know how to describe

Perhaps its the decision making, the role im playing, the people who has really taught me well

Looking back, i realise that i am indeed the lucky one

I am grateful to be who i am today.

At the same time, i am also not as happy and carefree as i used to be

Is this what they call the growing up stage?

I feel very tired.. 

I try not to think this way

But sometimes, i cant help but wonder if you are lying to me

but i dont want to ask becz i dont want to know the answer.

Sometimes i wonder,

If i ask will i feel better

But i didn want to pressure you

How long can this continue, I wonder. 

why did it come to this stage?

Is it hard to do something for me?

am i too demanding?

you make me question myself 

but i come to no conclusion... 

Days and months passed

I wish things will go back where it is less complicated

When you have never lied to me.

I never told you this

But please restore the faith that i should have in you. 

Please

July 1, Hours 2115

Decision

I thought March was terrible

April was worse

I thought April was our month

Every month, i was looking forward to the arrival of april 

But.

I am tired

I thought you can do anything for me

Can you?

Am i forcing you?

What should i do?

I love you

But why?

Decision made this week

Will be for a lifetime. 

hopeless

is this the end of our story?

as we live life of insecurities

god, help me