Vulnerable

Dont attack me when im at my weakest

Dont make me touched by giving me something unexpected

Bcz you will make me reluctant to leave

Wonder why, such a simple question can make my heart soft

I thought of saying no, but since i was unprepared, i wasnt spontaneous enough.

Wonder how that night, will turn out to be.

I dont want to cry. Even if i were to cry, i wont want to let you see. 

And once again, 

I wonder if i have made the correct decision by leaving this place. 

I always thought, after August, September will be great.

However, September gave me a lot of stress 

Every night, I find it hard to fall asleep.

I had a lot on my mind. 

I never had problems sleeping even during exam period

Wonder why this time is different

Perhaps, i really anticipate and weigh this issue heavily in my mind

I start to lose appetite as i no longer feel hungry during meal times

I always tell myself, time can solve problems

But i wonder, how much time do i need until everything's in my control

A book told me that, 

A boat, that never sail out into oceans will never get damaged

But it will also never learn to deal with storms and winds, whichever it may face

It will always remain on safe shores

Life will be simple, without ups and downs, but without excitement, experience and knowledge.

You can choose to be there at the safe shores, or out there to gain.

Boats are made to be out there, and not to be exhibited at the beaches. 

Humans, like boats, are born to make a difference in this world.

How will life be, if we are always hiding in our comfort zone.

Successful people, are those who dared to try, and to walk the road less travelled. 

I took these words to my heart, and it had become my motto to strive.

However, now, i wish for the presence of a comfort zone

A place where i can just stay,

Have a good night's sleep

And wake up afresh with my mind clear.

Away from doubts, as the answers become clearer and clearer.

One thing is for sure, 

I should never have worked that two months

I brought so much trouble to them

They taught me all they knew but in the end, it was all wasted 

I am really sorry. And a million words cant express my apology.

Just becz i wanted to be employed like the rest, 

I never thought of the consequences. I am selfish.

And i hate myself for that. 

Sorry Aven, sorry Dismound, sorry Za.

Now, what i can do to compensate,

Is to help as much as i could, and hope that in the future,

they wont employ someone who has the same thoughts like i did.

Actually, i did like the working environment, under the aircond, 

It was part of the working life i had dreamt of when i was a kid

Perhaps i watched too many dramas then. Dreams and realities, are different. 

The same concept goes, when i realise we are from two different worlds. 

I cant fit into your world, and neither can you fit into mine becz we are too different.

I dont know who i am becoming

All i know is that, im very tired.

Perhaps, 

I overestimated myself.

September 24 2012 Hours 2205

Whats the purpose of life?

Whenever i want some peace and quietness

Will be blog writing or blog walking

Being in my own space

Thinking, what i want or just thinking of the people that matter most. 

Read from a blog 

You cant make everyone happy

So start living and stop trying.

Trying indirectly indicates life insecurities. 

There are actually two choices in front of us: 

You can spend time worrying about other people

Or you can bravely follow your own wants and needs.  

And i wonder, 

What have i been doing all these while. 

Its easy to say, live a life that you have wanted.

However, you cant ignore views of people that matter.

To me, family and friends are equally important. 

If doing something i want indirectly means giving up on them, 

Then perhaps i will be better off staying in their comfort zone.

I asked myself over and over again.

Is it worth it? 

I live for myself or i live for people? 

She told me, family is forever but friends only come and go in your life.

Important ones leave footprints, while some just walk off.

 Whats left is just footprints

Memories. Support. Love. Company. But all these cant feed you.  

Maybe can feed you for one or two meals but definitely not forever 

You wont want to be a burden to them

I was about to argue back when i hesitated. 

Im not sure. Do i agree? 

Am i really that materialistic? 

I love them. 

But when im really needed to choose between friend and ambition, 

which will be my choice? 

Everyday, i feel im changing. 

Perhaps, after a year or two, i wont be able to recognise myself any longer.

This is about growing up, or is it about self-protection? 

I really dont know. And i dont know where I am heading to.

How i wish,

There's a time travel machine in which i can travel to the future.

And then i shall come back and decide.

Deep inside, perhaps im afraid of people's perceptions towards me.

Then i slowly asked myself:

Who am i to them.

Just 1 out of the thousands of friends. 

Who am i to the world.

Just 1 of the billions. 

And i keep thinking that im that important.

This is,

Real crap

One word to describe my feeling now..

Insecure. 

Whats the purpose of life?

Why are we living for?

Living for ourselves, or living for people

Where do i find my answer? 

Wish i could give you a call.

But will you understand? 

September 15 2012 Hours 2251

By the way, thanks a lot to some of you, for being there for me. Words cant describe how i feel for you guys. Grateful. Appreciate. Thank you. Lovesss.
 Im blessed to have all of you. Dont give up on me. Dont walk away
Even if i may have changed in the future,
my feelings for you all will still remain.
Thats a promise.
For life. 

Choices- My Answer

 Life paths.

When the road is unclear, and you dont know what you are chasing,

you rely on people to give you opinions.

However, every person has different options because every one is different.

There is no right or wrong opinions, because no one knows whats there in the future. 

Its a journey, called life. 

Or sometimes,we rely on answers gained from the game of possibilities. 

I did. Not only once but 5 times.

But dont know why, upon getting an answer, i will throw again.

What am i actually expecting? 

I dont know. 

Bored in office today, so went for drawing class. hehe

I had all the time for myself bcz upon knowing that i will be leaving, my boss reduced my workload.

Really felt i have disappointed him. 

I have nothing else to say, but just a word of sorry.

I mean it.

As im doing that, i thought of doing, goals in life.

I sat down and thought.

And thats what i had in mind. 

And it all became clear. 

I actually do not really have passion in R & D.

I am not that honorable to change the world through research

Lol my lecturers will kill me. And considering that i havent received my scroll yet? omg secret

I took a long time to consider becz I wanted to be close to people i care a lot for.

And i wanted an opportunity to learn through people guiding me.

Bcz i am afraid. I am afraid of the world outside. I am afraid of making mistakes.

I am afraid, i will be drowned in this game. I am afraid,i will be drowned, in this industry. 

Today, what he said made it all clear. 

Perhaps he said what i really wanted to hear?

Maybe deep down i ady had an answer, but i didnt want to face it due to friend factor.

Perhaps, their position in my heart is higher than what i expected.

I mind what they think of me. I value their opinions more than i listen to myself. 

He told me, the industry is complicated but do have faith in yourself. 

He asked me, why doubt myself? 

I told him im afraid.

"Afraid of what? "

"Afraid of the future, uncertainties on what wil follow." 

"If you can predict whats going to happen in the future, you should open stall to become fortune teller ady"

"This industry is bad"

"And food industry isnt?"

"How is food industry bad?"

"Instant noodles, sugar, preservatives,arent they also harming people? People, every person, has their own choices. You cant be responsible for all. Dont think so much about people's perceptions. What is important, is what you think is your priority,then work for it".

I know that in the outside world, i will meet many complicated people.

People, by nature, are complicated. 

You will see them anywhere. Its up to you, how you want to tackle them.

There's no running away from them your whole life

Be strong and dont be a coward. 

There are many possibilities that may happen.

But without doing new things, how will you grow? 

Every day,you will be living under the shelter of a laboratory. 

Is it the life, i wanted, or am i destined to fly? 

Am i trying to fit in? Where do i really belong? 

After my choice,will you wholeheartedly support me?

Or you say you support me cz you know its the answer i want to hear? 

2 more days to really think about it.

Time to go home=)))))

Byebye Selangor Hours 1929 14092012 

By the way, this week's horoscope is so accurate!!