Vulnerable

Dont attack me when im at my weakest

Dont make me touched by giving me something unexpected

Bcz you will make me reluctant to leave

Wonder why, such a simple question can make my heart soft

I thought of saying no, but since i was unprepared, i wasnt spontaneous enough.

Wonder how that night, will turn out to be.

I dont want to cry. Even if i were to cry, i wont want to let you see. 

And once again, 

I wonder if i have made the correct decision by leaving this place. 

I always thought, after August, September will be great.

However, September gave me a lot of stress 

Every night, I find it hard to fall asleep.

I had a lot on my mind. 

I never had problems sleeping even during exam period

Wonder why this time is different

Perhaps, i really anticipate and weigh this issue heavily in my mind

I start to lose appetite as i no longer feel hungry during meal times

I always tell myself, time can solve problems

But i wonder, how much time do i need until everything's in my control

A book told me that, 

A boat, that never sail out into oceans will never get damaged

But it will also never learn to deal with storms and winds, whichever it may face

It will always remain on safe shores

Life will be simple, without ups and downs, but without excitement, experience and knowledge.

You can choose to be there at the safe shores, or out there to gain.

Boats are made to be out there, and not to be exhibited at the beaches. 

Humans, like boats, are born to make a difference in this world.

How will life be, if we are always hiding in our comfort zone.

Successful people, are those who dared to try, and to walk the road less travelled. 

I took these words to my heart, and it had become my motto to strive.

However, now, i wish for the presence of a comfort zone

A place where i can just stay,

Have a good night's sleep

And wake up afresh with my mind clear.

Away from doubts, as the answers become clearer and clearer.

One thing is for sure, 

I should never have worked that two months

I brought so much trouble to them

They taught me all they knew but in the end, it was all wasted 

I am really sorry. And a million words cant express my apology.

Just becz i wanted to be employed like the rest, 

I never thought of the consequences. I am selfish.

And i hate myself for that. 

Sorry Aven, sorry Dismound, sorry Za.

Now, what i can do to compensate,

Is to help as much as i could, and hope that in the future,

they wont employ someone who has the same thoughts like i did.

Actually, i did like the working environment, under the aircond, 

It was part of the working life i had dreamt of when i was a kid

Perhaps i watched too many dramas then. Dreams and realities, are different. 

The same concept goes, when i realise we are from two different worlds. 

I cant fit into your world, and neither can you fit into mine becz we are too different.

I dont know who i am becoming

All i know is that, im very tired.

Perhaps, 

I overestimated myself.

September 24 2012 Hours 2205