=)

Blogging early in the morning

Initially wanted to fb to upload pictures, but again, its not my choice, so open blogger instead, as always..

Tossing in bed the whole night..

I wonder if its due to heat or due to excess sleep..

Or due to unsettleness in my mind

Anyway, yea early morning shudnt be so emo wan.. haha talk about my weekend.

Friday, woke up late!! And one mistake leads to many consequences..

Especially when we are talking about public transport

Which is really public, and tests patience.. sweat

Till the extend that we had had a mini 'gathering' at the bus station and later at the comuter station..

And we were all drenched in sweat all the way till we reached KL Sentral, just in time for McValue Meal haha

Yea and i forgot to mention something, i think i really got cursed that morning..

I think i must be out of my mind.. Of all times, i chose that busy morning to go to the counter at Serdang to return and to purchase interstate tickets with a long long queue behind me

And as usual, the clerk takes so long to work, and the guy behind me was constantly glancing over my shoulder to see what i was up to...

And one minute later, i can feel the heat coming out from everyone's eyes.. Especially when the comuter is scheduled to arrive soon..

But thank god it didnt. Lucky or not lucky? Haha

I missed my movie that day, but very happy with what i have got =)

Scheduled to take the 945pm train that night, so i went back alone to Kl sentral..

Facebooked in the monorail, and i saw something that made my heart palpitate rapidly

I dont know why i feel this way, but i did

I'm not guilty, and actually it hardly matters, but its so unexpected..

Haven had the chance to calm my nerves down, when i saw something even more erm.. scary..

At the monorail station, i saw Rescue 999 and a white cloth on the floor..

So scared that i ran all the way to Kl sentral where i feel more at home, and only catch my breath then..

And to scare me further, there's a big LCD tv in the train right in front of me, and of all shows, they show ghost movie..

With blood and white cloth flying here and there.. And those creepy sounds.. At midnight.. sweat..

What a day! So glad to be home =)

Nothing much on Saturday, but i realised i have been so outdated, cut off from the world all the while when i was in uni..

So many things i dont know, but i'm glad to have the chance to catch up..

I realised, life is a circle. So many stages of life to be cherished, and appreciated

Sunday morning, rush back here for coursenight. 3rd year coursenight. Time flies, doesnt it?

Yes, no matter how we do not want to admit it, it does.

Update regarding coursenight later, Late for class! 30 mins mor to meet my friend and i stll haven bathed..

Before that, sharing a picture..

Tata


Miss MunYee =)

Reminds me, I have to cut my hair lolz

Hours 0845 30 August 2010

"Last'' Words, as what he says

I never thought my last words will be this way

I wanted to blog about this yesterday, but again, line never permits me too.

I dont know why, everytime i want to blog, uspot will splash one bucket of cold water at me by telling me that internet explorer cannot be displayed..

But its okay, i am used to getting disappointments that night.

To be frank, if i were to say that i'm not disappointed, i would be lying.

If i were to say that i dont feel down at all, i guess you will be terrified.

I try to not to feel this way, but 'trying not to feel' does not exist in my dictionary, and I am human after all.

I am not angry. There is no reason for me to be angry as i see the rational part of the explanations. It is really not worth doing something that is uncertain. If i were in your shoes, i would have said the exact same thing.

But what makes me down is that, i think i failed as a director. I know that there are many things that are beyond my control, but i cant help feeling this way.

If i didnt fail, why didnt you tell me but told my friend instead?

Put yourself in my shoes. How do you feel?

If i didnt fail, why didnt you get back to me at all. Is it really that hard to reply my sms? Or are you that poor? Does the word discussion exist in your world?

If i didnt fail, why cant i get cooperation from you as part of my group?

If i didnt fail, why didnt i have command and ideas of what i was supposed to do?

Maybe failing is a strong word, but i cant think of any other words to replace it.

Maybe i'm feeling negative, i'm sorry... But i dont want to hide my feelings, i really am.

Somehow, i feel betrayed. I am not in this thing alone on paper, but in reality, i feel this way.

You are supposed to help me, not inform me at the last minute and expect me to vomit out a solution

I dont mind doing things alone and settling things, when i know its worth it.

Going all the way to Bhep, going to see prof, gazebo, i dont mind. Because i know i have a reponsibility.

I just dont like it when you know what we have a problem, and only tell me last minute, and expect me to have an alternative on the spot.

And i really really hate it when you dont come back to me when i ask you something. I am not godly, i cant see what is going on at the other side of campus.

And yea. bhep is not next to my room and its not owned by my dad.

I am not putting the blame on you. Because i know i have no right to do so. And i dont think its right for me to do so.

But i cant help myself. This is one of the time where my heart refuses to cooperate with my brain, bringing an equilibrium. I am sorry...

But at the same time, i want to thank you guys for being with me, and care so much for how i'm feeling..

The gesture of coming to me after the meeting, is so unexpected, but it meant a lot to me. I appreciate it. Thank you. From the bottom my heart..

And you guys for being there for me, thanks for the support and care. Especially when i cant get the approval letter from bhep and i was sweating like crazy in class as if i jz came back from a marathon.. Thank you for the encouragement.. treasure it..

And thanking you, for giving me help when i really need it.. The look you gave me after the meeting, i really dont know how to react, except to tell you i am fine, when i am actually not sure if i really am. But thanks. Thanks for being there for me when i need someone to turn to..

Hmm.. I never expected a post-mortem to be like this. After all the events that i have helped organised and taken part in, this post-mortem, seems.. really like a post-mortem. Melancholy,
and full of angry words..

I once read in MYC that i shouldnt scold people through a public blog.

But i'm just expressing what i feel, really not meaning to step down on you and shunning your actions..

I'm hurt. But i'm relieved. Relieved that this event is no longer giving me heartaches, but at the same time,

a little disappointed because i cant witness its success under my hand due to Industrial Training. I wish you luck.. come and find me if you need help, i cant guarantee that i will tell you the correct things, but i will try what i can =)

Anyway, i really gained a lot from what i had done throughout this week.

The most obvious one is that I learnt to appreciate the efforts put in by you who always disappeared from class saying you need to go to bhep.. lolz

I learnt to see people better, and i learnt to appreciate the presence of you guys around me. You guys rocks =)

I feel so sorry that i cant bring you all to Lake Gardens. But if can, we shall go someday. Go there and ss. Without needing to pay.. Thats for sure.. i'm poor too haha

Wow, this post has become so long. So crappy.. And i think if you see this, you will prob be thinking, yer this post is so aunty lol

Yea for once i have to agree with you.. Really really long post, thoughtful? Not really.. More to reflecting..

Pictures i took during 4914 class haha, the flow chart..

First, is the letter of approval, Shawn's efforts..


Next, is the postponement letter.. the orange form introduced to me..

I thought i would never see it again..

Then there comes the approval letter that used to be the focus of my life the last two days, but now meant nothing to me except being another sheet of paper..

Hopefully i dont flunk my food law test cz of this letter.. I wont =)

Consecutive times to bhep jz for this letter and pleading to the kakak and trying to reason with her why i needed it so urgently..


And now, the end, i see this letter again..

And some feeling of sorry cz i will never have the chance to use this stack of documents for this programme..

Group picture-hey although i cant have group picture for my event, i can still have group picture with all my documents.. Precious memories, another chapter of my life, noted.



Last words, nothing else to say, except to say thanks, i'm fine ( though not really now but will be =) ), forget..

And looking forward towards the next activity to spend time with you guys again..

p.s. I love the orphanage and the aborigines visit! Yay.. thank you for giving me this much. I am blessed to be with you all =D

August 25 2010 Hours 1719

Ups and Downs

10. For this post, i am going to use back my style of blogging 2 years ago.

2 years ago, i used to blog this way, in decending orders

filled with colours for every number.

Now i'm reusing the same way,

But all words will be in black.

9. Why in black?

Num1. I have an exam tmr, food law, which is giving me a terrible headache

I dont have mood for colours.

Num 2. Blogging in colours isnt really my style.

I want to be myself, doing what i like instead of living under your shadow any longer

8. Examination week is really killing me.

Exams lasted for 3 weeks.

Although there are gaps in the middle of examinations,

But the pressure is still there, the longer it is, the more stressed i feel.

7. Home. I miss home. I broke my personal record.

Since i came to kl in July, i have only been home once, and thats on Saturday 9 pm till Sunday 1pm.

Thats the unexpected journey.

I went home without bringing a single thing, only blessings, and a great mind

6. Golden Key. Many great activities. First orphanage, then visiting the orang asli school

And with them, i went to my 1st beach in Selangor.

An isolated beach, but the sand is the finest i have seen so far from so many beaches

And the beach, still gives me the same feeling.

Which i still treasure.

5. Family Day at lake Gardens.

Making my hair drop more and more and giving me sleepless nights.

I feel so sorry for you, who has to bear so many smses of me asking for help.

But i am helpless. I dont know what to expect.

Except to hope for the best after my efforts, and to thank you for everything.

4. Assignments and reports

Reports need to be settled, settled, settled.

And the minitab, sas and spss are driving me insane.

And assignments assignments, i'm really speechless.

I have so many things to be done, but yet i'm still happily sleeping and sleeping and sleeping

What life am i living? Life as a student? I dont really have this kind of feeling...

3. Industrial Training. After rejecting one LI company, i am hoping for the next one.

And from the help from my senior, i managed to get to another company.

Thank you so much.

A well known company, but its superb far, since they want to assign me to the R & D department

And the worst thing is that, they didnt offer me any pay.. Not even to cover my transport fees..

One hour from my house. I also dont know..

My dad gave me a solution, which i didnt really like, and which my fren laugh herself sick after hearing the suggestion.. Yer.. My god

I have 3 months to convince him to change his mind.. I can, i must

2. Yea, an answer to you. I didnt expect you to blog a reply to me. I'm amazed.

Really unexpected, is it really that obvious that i was talking about you?

But anyway, I am glad you took the time to tell me that, so indirectly.. as indirect as what i did

Friends for life. Two lazy friends for life.

=)

1. And yea. Saving the last for me.

These days, i am too busy to think much, to really spend time thinking, even to spend time with my friend. I am sorry.. I will make up to you when time permits..

August 23 Hours 1538

p.s. At the time i'm typing this, i feel that my friend is angry at me. I'm sorry...

Air Tickets

Today i booked another air ticket.. haha

Although I still have not had the pleasure of visiting an European country, its still another country, different from Malaysia.

Your email really made me think a lot, i especially like the way you say,

I have made new friends. learnt so much in terms of the language, the way people think, the way people work and react to situations, the way people socialize and so much more.This experience also tells me that there are so much more to discover in this world and also to discover myself, such as what i would do in the vicinity of strangers, whether to open my mouth to socialize or whether to just keep quiet and do nothing. It has indeed been a great discovery this one week.

Borrowing some of your words for this post here, because i'm very impressed by the way you put it.

I bet people wont be surprised if i were to tell them that this came out from a travel magazine.. haha. But i think you are right. There are so many things in this world, so many things yet to be seen, so many things yet to be felt, so many things yet to be touched.

I want to see the world. I feel that I am so small, i feel that my perceptions are so limited, and i feel that i'm so narrow minded

I dont know why i feel this way all of a sudden.

Thinking about the wrong things at the wrong time..

Exam time ler Miss Wong.. isnt it time to wake up?

Perhaps, i really have changed.

Now the question is, for the better or worse?

August 17 2010 Hours 1605

The recent me

Whats up with me so far?

N0thing much happened, but i find myself so tired. Very tired.

Mentally, physically, speechless..

Exams are killing me, as always, but i dont know why, i'm finding it harder to cope this semester.

Actually the matter of over-crediting is just an excuse,

Its not that i do not want to study, but when i open the book, i started to think of something else.

Something else that has bothered me for a very long time ,but i have yet to find a solution, or a way out..

But anyway, i have to get started, before i die a terrible death..

Tata.. back to studies. Let me talk about a very interesting lab that has given me countless memories and frights..

Firstly, they need to prepare surimi, then preparing yogurt and beef burgers and later beef balls

Friends who know me well know that actually i'm very afraid of raw things, especially blood and meat..

I cant stand the smell, and the sight of blood blowing, flesh here and there.. yucks...

I try to avoid, but i cant be the only one not doing any work right..

So i volunteered to wash everything, well, at least there's a layer of soap and sponge that separated those layers of blood and slime right..

But there's a time when i have to get my hands on meat.. Yer.. that feeling.. sweat..

To make beef balls, like rolling tang yuen.. yer the meat soft and sticky, alamak..




Really nothing to say..

And this weekend also i learn of slaughering process, pity those animals when i imagine them undergoing slaughtering..

I think i should pledge to become a vegetarian on 1 and 15 like mum haha

What happened to me this week?

Too stressed till i start making sudden decisions, seeing things i will not normally see from my angle..

doing things that i will not normally do, changing my life, touching others

How how how... ?

August 17 2010 Hours 1350

=)

The same night after i posted the previous post, i wanted to post this one.

Cz somehow, you made my day.

Thank you. I appreciate it. A simple gesture, can mean so much.

Good night. Many many blessings

Having mood now, guess its time to study=)

FSt 3113 and FST 3305.. much headache to come, but i have to strive.

Just a short post, but the significance is there.

Its time to be the same old me

Without any improved formula or additives, sugar or salt.

=p

August 16 Hours 2326

p.s. For my previous post, if you do not get what i mean, just forget it okay.

We cant control what others think, but we definitely have the choice to control our own minds and what we want to do. How a decision impacts, is up to individuals to determine, if it is right or wrong. My stand. My thinking. My perception

Justifications

I wanted to blog about this yesterday, but the line doesnt permit me to.

But now, after reading your blog, i guess i have to do this because i think it is important that you understand.

I dont know if you are talking about me, and i'm not sure why, but after that line you told me, i have a feeling that you are avoiding me.

Is that necessary for you to do so? I am really beginning to wonder.. Not that i mind, but sometimes, i mind. Its so unfound for. Isnt it?

Or perhaps i was just thinking too much. But the thing i dont understand most is that why does a boundary exist between us when we are still friends?

The word relationship does not need to exist between a friendship between a guy and a girl

Today, I may look as if i dont realise, i dont care. But i do. My eyes doesnt meet yours, but i feel it.

Actually its okay with me. But i have a feeling i'm becoming a victim more than an outsider...

What other people think, i cant control. All the insecurities and sensitivities felt by the other, there is nothing i can do.

What do you expect me to do? What do you want from me? I really have no answer

When you want me to be there,you expect me to. Of cz, i dont mind, as i never wanted anything from you, but i dont appreciate the other way round..

No matter how close we are, i have always treated you as a friend. Perhaps, a closer friend but thinking closer, i guess still beyond the boundaries of a friend.

The line actually seems blur and filled with dotted lines and doubts here and there, but i hope its clearer, and you know what you want, and i feel the same, i want to see the line.

Some of the things you told me changed my perceptions, and they make me think, and i learn to understand you better..

The way you challenge me, the way you make me wonder, i enjoy the feeling and thrill... i dont deny..

I appreciate your presence. I appreciate what you have done. I do. I thank you for all you have given me, things that i may not have gained anywhere else..

Yes, i have to admit, i enjoy receiving smses from you as they are different from other smses from friends,

They make me think, they make me laugh, sometimes, they make me anticipate, but thats all..

I have never expected things to be this messy

I dont know what she thinks, and i do not know what you have told her..

But I really do not hope that your actions have become the basis of another girl's sufferings,

and i really hope the misunderstandings do not become bigger and bigger just because of what has happened in the past.

Or did anything happened? I really dont know..

I was thinking, if i should post this here, but after deciding a while, i decided to.

Cz i cant tell you this face to face, and i want you to understand.

Maybe i'm over-reacting, but i still want you to understand.

I dont know if you will read my blog, but if you did, this is what i want to tell you..

Really wishing you the best of luck, and dont make her cry..

Because, once a girl's heart is broken, all the glue in the world cant mend it back..

August 16, Hours 2054

Exams

Stealing some time here to blog..

Supposed to be studying Waste Management for papers this thurs,

I purposely do not want to bring my laptop here to avoid facebooking and onlining..

But onlining is really simply irresistible, plus i haven updated my blog for so long..

So when my fren's out (maybe going dating gua haha), tata.. my time to play with his laptop =)

Studying halfway also can go dating~ haha..

But his heart is also not here with his notes ad.. seeing him fidgeting with his phone every 1 minute..

Haha if he sees this blog post sure he'll kill me..

Never mind la before he manages to kill me i think i will be almost dead buried by the pile of notes and the burden of LI..

I dont know what i want actually, got an offer but rejected..

Perhaps i was expecting something bigger. Maybe bigger doesnt seem to be an accurate word, maybe i can say, i wasnt expecting something different

Anyway, i really hope for the best, hoping that everything will turn great at the end of the day

My mind is occupied by the thoughts of papers, papers and more papers..

Papers as in the sense of exam papers, report papers, and BHEP papers..

There's so much i wanted to say, but i dont know how to put it into words.

I dont want to burden my friends with so many troubles of mine, I know they have their own worries, probably even more

So what i can do is just to keep it in my heart and hope that the burden doesnt get heavier and heavier for my shoulders

Seeking, pursuing, aiming, three strong words. But am i their friend?

I'm not seeking perfection..

Actually i dont know what i am seeking. The way forward seems so foggy..

Crap. Better go back to waste management..

August 10 Hours 1723

Hope ^^

Wish for today..

Hoping my life is going to be as colourful as it can be..

Quoting from PuiSan, after all, life is about creating beautiful memories isnt it?

Red-the fierce and fiery, blended with the perfection of purple, the aluring blue, and balanced by the charming green of nature, paints the perfect settings.

Leaning against the black, they bring fire to life, to memories, raising against the dark and difficult in life..

Now i cant see all the colours, but i will try to get more, for myself. For the sake of people around me.

Think positive =) Now that exams are near, i need to clear my head of negative thoughts, which are, surprisingly, a lot.

I saw something that made me wonder a long time

The life you want.. isn't always the life you need.

Wanting and needing..

One is a luxury, while the other is a necessity.. I understand this theory..

But i dont understand the line..

Cz i guess life is different from materials, life is only once, and it is not tradable..

How i wish it is.

August 4 2010 Hours 1651

Today-lah

Many things going on in my mind, but i dont know if its a good idea to blog about it, i feel that blogging has become too public.

I mean, how will you feel when someone you have barely communicated with, tell someone else about all your thoughts, as if they are like number-1 friend to you?

And the other someone else comes back to me, and said well, i heard all these from who and who

Okay lar, i'm not labelling like.. well, she is my num-1 friend, he's my num-2 friend and so on and so forth..

But its definitely scary when you think that person knows nothing about you, but suddenly, you realised that he/she knows more than what you do than your mum herself..

I encountered this. And its, a scary experience.I was like.. sweat.. what else does he know? And there's also a she..

Not that i want lots of privacy, but i think i will like it better when things are less.. well-known..

I am not a politician, nor am i a singer.. I dont need my personal thoughts to be all over as if they are some juicy gossips that you cant live without..

Please, follow my blog if you want, but please dont blabber my things all over. I appreciate that

Okay-lah, lol, today, i've decided on blogging a Malaysian-type of blog. With all the-lah and etc

Seems so weird right.. haha.. I myself admit..

This weekend is the beginning of a terrible sem..

1st test is coming, and all the trouble of LI, and reports and assignments are starting to burden my shoulders... and also GK..

I start to feel that, what i want to achieve is going beyond my limits

More and more heavy.. i wonder how long i can support myself

This is part and parcel of life?

August 3 2010 Hours 1345

Black and White

There is a reason for everything we do, whether we realise it or not.

There are lots of philosophies following this line, but i dont want to get started now.

I feel so lost. So tired. So stressed. I dont have mood for this.

Every night, i have dreamless dreams. Everything is black. Not even the slightest shade of grey.

People used to link black and white together. But i can only see the black. I cant see the other.

White, is no longer achievable. What we have now, i cant see the future.

I dont want to do this, but i just dont have time to absorb and to care of so many other things..

I just want to tell you, i'm sorry. There's nothing left to say. Give me some time. I desperately need it.

I am tired. I really am.

Too tired till i lost track of my bank book. Dying.. Faster faster surface back..

I wonder what else will go missing.. Absent-minded-me..

I want to study for now.. thats my goal.

Brain capasity not large enough for anything else

August 1 2010

p.s. Happy bday PuiSan =) Enjoy your day ya =)

p.s. Thanks XinYee for the great weekend =) Blog regarding that when i have time, its definitely worth blogging about =p