Loss of Identity

Suddenly tnite, in the mood to blog

I dont know what i am going through, 

I dont know who I am becoming. 

Maybe im not cool enough, but then, it has never been my personality this way

I am slowly becoming you, I am slowly becoming a copy of you, why

There are times when i feel really depressed, i dont know what i should do.

Awkwardness, I wanted to escape, but i dont know who to turn to.

I dont know who will understand , i dont want to become their burden. 

Or perhaps i just dont feel like explaining

If you are with me, you wont push for answers, instead you will just be with me, make me happy, i feel it. 

I feel i dont have time for anything else, or for anybody else,

Even though you may be the most important people in my heart. 

I stare up in the sky thinking, 

Am i really that fragile

Where are my limits, what am i actually capable of doing 

I have never felt such a loss of energy before

Sometimes i just feel like leaving

But where can I go. 

In the midst of everything im facing, there are things which i really dislike

Is when people keep saying that my job is simple

You need to understand, they dont pay us much for nothing

There are certain sacrifices that we need to make

Once said, is enough. If you dont understand, there's nothing i can do about it, there's ady no meaning. 

I am not cold-blooded to ignore, just that sometimes,

I just feel that it has become a little meaningless 

Because you are not with me.

This post is a very sad post, but its how i am feeling, those that can be expressed through words

What i can do now is just to do my best

And the rest, 

Leave it to god, and to those who can determine my fate. 

I am really tired. 

But the race goes on. 

December 30 Hours 0205

Farewell

Funny, why humans only learn how to appreciate things around them when things are about to change

People, i miss them. 

After coming back frm camp ystdy,

And on the way to KL, i am beginning to feel hesitant again

Feeling really tired these days.

As i wonder again what i really wanted.

But after breakfast with a fren,

She told me to give myself a time frame so that i will feel less pressured

After this 2 years, perhaps going for working hols 

And taking the initiative to change a working environment, will be great for me. 

But one thing i am great of, it that i have a great bunch of colleagues 

Sincerity felt. Though i dont show it, but deep inside im glad. 

Lots of challenges ahead of me, im sure of. 

One big challenge, is parting ways with you all. 

I took all the chances i have to meet up with people i care most

Becz im scared of being abandoned after i walk this path

I dont know when i will have the chance to meet them next

By then, everyone will have a different identity.

First farewell with two of them at SS2 mall,
Tired after convo but they are stil there with me.
Thanks, lovesss

Lunch with them right before i return my robe, 

Hugssss

Two days of team building, and im back in kl again..

Dinner with friend :)) Actually i think he ady decided wat to eat but he kept giving me options swt lol. In the end.. tata..

Mee cooked with meat which is not kept in fridge, supposingly lol. Sweet soupy dish..

Mee with Fatty meat without ham.. Special! But we cant finish it cz we are too full after cups and cups of tea

Dessert! Yummy my fav mango ice
Next, will be the edible species of the frog family? Or is it chicken family? lol
Thank you for being part of my farewell memory. Misssss, will be missed, Friend.

Breakfast Dimsum!! XD 

Hot porridge to kickstart the day. Supposingly to open up the appetite but after that, im ad full =.=

Egg tart XD 

Chee Cheong Fun lol 

Forgot wat name ady but its super delicious ;D

How can a table of dimsum be complete without prawn? XD

And thats all we managed to eat =.= omg.
But glad to have time out with you :D

Tongyuen frm aunty prior to going back cz its a festival. 

Haha this is actually my lunch for that day :D
Cooked with gula melaka, simply irresistible

Appreciate what all of you have done for me
Looking forward to the next meet.

Sincerely hope,
Everything doesnt change.
October 24 Hours 2327
p/s took me 3 days to complete this blog post lol.
The reason?
To be continued :D 

Happiness and Sadness

Happiness and sadness.

They are inseparable. Just like twins. 

No matter how far they may go, at the end of the day or the end of the story, 

they will meet one another again.

It is impossible for us to feel happy all the time. 

In the process of growing, we feel sad when we encounter problems

We feel sad when we are isolated or abandoned. We feel sad when we are hurt.

We feel sad when we fail. We feel sad when we are not capable. 

Even the richest man in the world may be unhappy at times

There are just too many unpredictable factors which can make us upset. 

Its a life cycle, unavoidable.

Thats why we are human beings. Be proud to be one. We are not robots. 

We are born with emotions, with the ability to feel. 

I believe, we should appreciate that we are born this way.

We learn to heal from wounds, and then, to protect ourselves so that we will not make the same fall again. 

Wounds are there to teach us, do not make the same mistake again bcz scars are forever.

However, do not be afraid to try. Bcz if a kid is scared to ride a bike after getting wounds, he will never learn how to ride a bicycle and travel miles on it. 

You tell me you dont want to be happy

Because after feeling happy, you will feel sad when someone leaves. 

I am sad to say, you dont have a choice on what to feel cz feelings are natural.

We are born with it. No running away. 

 You cant control who comes into your life, and you cant control when they will be leaving.

Nothing in life is forever. 

Even myself, I dont know where I will be in a year's time.

Learn to let go. If they are fated to be somewhere, should let them go. 

If they are fated to be around you, then thats a bonus. Its fate. 

They have their own roads to walk. A group of friends can't remain together forever in the same environment. Its part of growing up. Its sad, yes, but its reality. 

Cherish the memories, rmb, knowing and parting, are part of life.

You grow through them. Life is cruel. But its happening. And we know it. 

I dont know for sure, but 

I think your problem lies in, 

You are afraid of getting hurt. You fear the feeling of getting abandoned. 

Thats why when someone comes along, you are afraid to be happy. 

Because you are scared you will get hurt when they leave. 

In a way, you are trying to protect yourself by trying not to feel. 

But feelings are natural. 

When you cant reach a balance between what your head wants, and what your heart wants,

Thats when you start to think a lot. 

The head wants the best for the people you care for, but the heart cant let go. 

You are not protecting yourself this way. Instead, you are making yourself more sad. 

Head is rational, heart is always not. The head thinks, the heart feels.

Business people, uses their head more than their heart when making important decisions.

Soft people, uses their heart more than their head while making important decisions.

But that doesnt make soft people less smart than business people. 

They are both great people, on equal par. 

Being able to feel, doesnt make you weaker or less smart. 

In fact, these people are the ones who actually make the world goes round, through the passion and care they show to other people. 

No matter which side you belong to, consider that as your strong point, becz thats what makes you unique. 

Everyone has their own principles when they are doing something. 

There is no such things as standard law of living bcz everyone has diff expectations and diff ways of doing things. 

What you think is right, may be wrong to some people. 

We cant control what they think, but as long as we know what we are doing, its more than fine. 

Life is an empty sheet of paper, and its up to us how we want to live it. 

We are all travellers, racing against time 

To meet expectations, to live our dreams. 

There are always ups and downs in life.

Just like a wavelength graph, they actually contribute to the colours in our lives.

If everything is a flat graph, we will never be able to differentiate which is joy, and which is sadness. 

You will never learn how to laugh genuinely, bcz you will never have known the feeling of sadness. 

You will never learn how to appreciate the beauty of life, bcz you will never have experienced a storm.

You will never have known the happy feeling of eating an icecream after a bad day.

You will never have known the feeling of love with the people you care most being beside you after a bad day. 

Is this life you wanted? 

There is no guideline on how to live life.

There's no avoiding happiness and sadness.

Even best friends argue. Even lovers argue. Even family members argue. 

We can sit down and cry. It is okay to cry. Crying is not a sign of weakness. Its actually a strength in you bcz you know you stil care.

But after that, 

It is of utmost importance that we learn how to pick ourselves up.

Stand up from where we fall. 

The world is so big. There is an endless world of possibilities. If we are still alive. 

Alive- means having the ability to feel/ to think/ and of cz to breathe 

Stand up, dont fear getting hurt. 

Its life. We are born to walk this path. 

If we fear, we wil never grow. We will never learn. We will be trapped inside the world we created. 

Trapped under the shell we made. 

The world will not slow down jz cz one individual is thinking so much 

The world is there. Its up to us whether we want to grow along with it.

Or to stay back, and just spend time thinking thinking and thinking about a problem which has no turning back

Be brave. 

Dont be scared to be happy. Its our rights. No one can take that from us. Its all in the head, how we control our head and our heart. 

We have only one head and one heart. So dont let our head overrule the heart and vice versa. 

Dont be a robot bcz we are not. 

Appreciate life, and appreciate what we can do now while we are stil capable. 

Bcz after a period of time, when it is too late, there is no point regretting 

Time, waits for no one. 

Its time to sleep. Think la, snoopy. I dont know if this is the answer you are looking for,

But hope this helps you in finding your way forward.

Bcz only you yourself knows, 

What you actually want and what you are actually chasing. Kayyyyy

October 10 2012 Hours 2225 

October

Picture courtesy of Google Image

This October, is going to be a memorable month with many significant events. 

First, its the end of my first official job, after i grad

Two months, really flies.

I still rmb when i first started work in August, i hated this job. 

Not that i hate the job scope, i just didnt like the culture there. 

Its like everyone minded their own business, and everyone's colleagues and not friends. 

Perhaps its cz i feel abandoned, i hated the feeling of being alone.

And so i turned away. I told myself, i cant be long here. I need to run.

This is a childish mindset right? I admit. But i cant help but feel this way.

I prayed for returns of resumes sent.

And hell, i did really send in a lot. Especially targeting management trainee programmes.

Bcz i know, those are positions where you can learn the most from. 

God answered my prayers. Thanks God.

The first time i attended PMorris interview was on a Saturday. 

The time when i attended CIMB interview, was on a Selangor public holiday but it was a working day in KL. There were ample opportunities when the heart is willing. 

But as i worked and as months passed, I started to adapt to the coldness in the company. 

My boss is a great one, I am really fortunate to be under him.

He was really supportive and kind. Still rmb, when he told me,

When i was about your age, i didnt know what i wanted. That time, i just smiled. 

 I did not understand. But now, i understood. 

When i got my offers, one of the first people I thought of, was him.

I didnt know what he would think. All i knew that, i was sorry. 

When i got 2 attractive offers from 1 multinational company and 1 international company, 

Everything started to become messy as i lost direction. 

At this time, my cold colleague came in and surprisingly, he taught me a lot. 

I can say that he is one of those who understands most about my predicament, bcz he knows what im doing, what im going through, what i am going to choose. 

Its so funny, someone who hardly understands me, can do such much to me.

Maybe im too overruled by emotions, or i underestimated his capabilities. 

My mindset towards him, turned 360 degrees. 

As he became my dictionary, he gave me feeling of familiarity just like my kor

As i start to appreciate his presence sitting nxt to me in office. 

And as he starts to learn how to smile in front of me and joke with me. 

How come i didnt feel that previously? Was i really too hesitant to let myself into the job? 

Two more days to be with them 8 hours a day.

Need to appreciate, just hope, i will able to put them behind me as a part of my life.

Today, my boss taught me a principle. 

 Do not regret once you have decided. 

If you regret, you will be going back to the starting point, and start all over again. 

You will only be in circles and not proceed. 

One more principle to add into my dictionary. Thankss for still caring for me. 

Words cant say how much, your appreciation meant. 

I felt cared for. Am i too sentimental? Or i really thought too much?

3th October. Last day of work for my 1st official job after graduation.

Fion and SueShan's bday. Happy birthday :))) 

4th October. To take GDL lisence exam.

Wish me luck :)))

Need it desperately cz i cant fail

5th October. To get my lisence from JPJ. Hope all goes well :))) 

6th October. To take jubah and off to Johor for her wedding.

But first, stop @ Melaka

7th October. Yuwen's wedding. gratsss :D My initial date of resignation acc to the letter. Snoopy's birthday. Happy birthday and celebrate with Charlie Brown :)))

8th October. First day of work. Hope all goes well :)) Believe, I can.

13th/14th October: Convo :))) 

Flowers for Convo: Hehe another story to be continued.

My first, using recycled paper in the postbox. Okay wurt *self-praise - its recycled paper kayy* XD 

Yy did half of it bcz i was too stupid =.=

The sunflowers :))) 

My writing XD 

A friend's flower XD Lol im so bad. All i did was to comment and complain =.=

Err okay la, at least the shape is there.

But there's room  for improvement. lol the edges

*Talk as if im an expert* XD 

Dare to say cz i know he wont mind :))) 

Oct 20th -Photo session with them

Oct 21st- Goodbye Kl, Till we meet again. Will miss KL. Wait, i wil be back

Oct 22nd- Start work in Ipoh branch. 18 months programme max, need to perform bcz i wont want to stay there forever. I can. Will you support me? 

Oct 28th- Happy birthday mummy. Blessed to have you

Oct 31st- Lemon's bday. Lol. Happy birthday :)))

Hope, this will be a memorable month and everything will be there my way.

*Close my eyes and pray* 

Everything will be find as long as faith is still there.

Good night :)) 

October 1 2012 Hours 2337 

Vulnerable

Dont attack me when im at my weakest

Dont make me touched by giving me something unexpected

Bcz you will make me reluctant to leave

Wonder why, such a simple question can make my heart soft

I thought of saying no, but since i was unprepared, i wasnt spontaneous enough.

Wonder how that night, will turn out to be.

I dont want to cry. Even if i were to cry, i wont want to let you see. 

And once again, 

I wonder if i have made the correct decision by leaving this place. 

I always thought, after August, September will be great.

However, September gave me a lot of stress 

Every night, I find it hard to fall asleep.

I had a lot on my mind. 

I never had problems sleeping even during exam period

Wonder why this time is different

Perhaps, i really anticipate and weigh this issue heavily in my mind

I start to lose appetite as i no longer feel hungry during meal times

I always tell myself, time can solve problems

But i wonder, how much time do i need until everything's in my control

A book told me that, 

A boat, that never sail out into oceans will never get damaged

But it will also never learn to deal with storms and winds, whichever it may face

It will always remain on safe shores

Life will be simple, without ups and downs, but without excitement, experience and knowledge.

You can choose to be there at the safe shores, or out there to gain.

Boats are made to be out there, and not to be exhibited at the beaches. 

Humans, like boats, are born to make a difference in this world.

How will life be, if we are always hiding in our comfort zone.

Successful people, are those who dared to try, and to walk the road less travelled. 

I took these words to my heart, and it had become my motto to strive.

However, now, i wish for the presence of a comfort zone

A place where i can just stay,

Have a good night's sleep

And wake up afresh with my mind clear.

Away from doubts, as the answers become clearer and clearer.

One thing is for sure, 

I should never have worked that two months

I brought so much trouble to them

They taught me all they knew but in the end, it was all wasted 

I am really sorry. And a million words cant express my apology.

Just becz i wanted to be employed like the rest, 

I never thought of the consequences. I am selfish.

And i hate myself for that. 

Sorry Aven, sorry Dismound, sorry Za.

Now, what i can do to compensate,

Is to help as much as i could, and hope that in the future,

they wont employ someone who has the same thoughts like i did.

Actually, i did like the working environment, under the aircond, 

It was part of the working life i had dreamt of when i was a kid

Perhaps i watched too many dramas then. Dreams and realities, are different. 

The same concept goes, when i realise we are from two different worlds. 

I cant fit into your world, and neither can you fit into mine becz we are too different.

I dont know who i am becoming

All i know is that, im very tired.

Perhaps, 

I overestimated myself.

September 24 2012 Hours 2205

Whats the purpose of life?

Whenever i want some peace and quietness

Will be blog writing or blog walking

Being in my own space

Thinking, what i want or just thinking of the people that matter most. 

Read from a blog 

You cant make everyone happy

So start living and stop trying.

Trying indirectly indicates life insecurities. 

There are actually two choices in front of us: 

You can spend time worrying about other people

Or you can bravely follow your own wants and needs.  

And i wonder, 

What have i been doing all these while. 

Its easy to say, live a life that you have wanted.

However, you cant ignore views of people that matter.

To me, family and friends are equally important. 

If doing something i want indirectly means giving up on them, 

Then perhaps i will be better off staying in their comfort zone.

I asked myself over and over again.

Is it worth it? 

I live for myself or i live for people? 

She told me, family is forever but friends only come and go in your life.

Important ones leave footprints, while some just walk off.

 Whats left is just footprints

Memories. Support. Love. Company. But all these cant feed you.  

Maybe can feed you for one or two meals but definitely not forever 

You wont want to be a burden to them

I was about to argue back when i hesitated. 

Im not sure. Do i agree? 

Am i really that materialistic? 

I love them. 

But when im really needed to choose between friend and ambition, 

which will be my choice? 

Everyday, i feel im changing. 

Perhaps, after a year or two, i wont be able to recognise myself any longer.

This is about growing up, or is it about self-protection? 

I really dont know. And i dont know where I am heading to.

How i wish,

There's a time travel machine in which i can travel to the future.

And then i shall come back and decide.

Deep inside, perhaps im afraid of people's perceptions towards me.

Then i slowly asked myself:

Who am i to them.

Just 1 out of the thousands of friends. 

Who am i to the world.

Just 1 of the billions. 

And i keep thinking that im that important.

This is,

Real crap

One word to describe my feeling now..

Insecure. 

Whats the purpose of life?

Why are we living for?

Living for ourselves, or living for people

Where do i find my answer? 

Wish i could give you a call.

But will you understand? 

September 15 2012 Hours 2251

By the way, thanks a lot to some of you, for being there for me. Words cant describe how i feel for you guys. Grateful. Appreciate. Thank you. Lovesss.
 Im blessed to have all of you. Dont give up on me. Dont walk away
Even if i may have changed in the future,
my feelings for you all will still remain.
Thats a promise.
For life. 

Choices- My Answer

 Life paths.

When the road is unclear, and you dont know what you are chasing,

you rely on people to give you opinions.

However, every person has different options because every one is different.

There is no right or wrong opinions, because no one knows whats there in the future. 

Its a journey, called life. 

Or sometimes,we rely on answers gained from the game of possibilities. 

I did. Not only once but 5 times.

But dont know why, upon getting an answer, i will throw again.

What am i actually expecting? 

I dont know. 

Bored in office today, so went for drawing class. hehe

I had all the time for myself bcz upon knowing that i will be leaving, my boss reduced my workload.

Really felt i have disappointed him. 

I have nothing else to say, but just a word of sorry.

I mean it.

As im doing that, i thought of doing, goals in life.

I sat down and thought.

And thats what i had in mind. 

And it all became clear. 

I actually do not really have passion in R & D.

I am not that honorable to change the world through research

Lol my lecturers will kill me. And considering that i havent received my scroll yet? omg secret

I took a long time to consider becz I wanted to be close to people i care a lot for.

And i wanted an opportunity to learn through people guiding me.

Bcz i am afraid. I am afraid of the world outside. I am afraid of making mistakes.

I am afraid, i will be drowned in this game. I am afraid,i will be drowned, in this industry. 

Today, what he said made it all clear. 

Perhaps he said what i really wanted to hear?

Maybe deep down i ady had an answer, but i didnt want to face it due to friend factor.

Perhaps, their position in my heart is higher than what i expected.

I mind what they think of me. I value their opinions more than i listen to myself. 

He told me, the industry is complicated but do have faith in yourself. 

He asked me, why doubt myself? 

I told him im afraid.

"Afraid of what? "

"Afraid of the future, uncertainties on what wil follow." 

"If you can predict whats going to happen in the future, you should open stall to become fortune teller ady"

"This industry is bad"

"And food industry isnt?"

"How is food industry bad?"

"Instant noodles, sugar, preservatives,arent they also harming people? People, every person, has their own choices. You cant be responsible for all. Dont think so much about people's perceptions. What is important, is what you think is your priority,then work for it".

I know that in the outside world, i will meet many complicated people.

People, by nature, are complicated. 

You will see them anywhere. Its up to you, how you want to tackle them.

There's no running away from them your whole life

Be strong and dont be a coward. 

There are many possibilities that may happen.

But without doing new things, how will you grow? 

Every day,you will be living under the shelter of a laboratory. 

Is it the life, i wanted, or am i destined to fly? 

Am i trying to fit in? Where do i really belong? 

After my choice,will you wholeheartedly support me?

Or you say you support me cz you know its the answer i want to hear? 

2 more days to really think about it.

Time to go home=)))))

Byebye Selangor Hours 1929 14092012 

By the way, this week's horoscope is so accurate!!

Direction

Sitting down to make a self reflective post on a Sunday night.
Lol.  Cant sleep after coffee.
My first cup of coffee bean with an old friend :D

_____________________________________________________________________

Working life is different. What do i really want? 

My fren asked me this question. 

I told him lol. I jz want someone to talk to. 

To listen to what i have to say and console me when im down.

Where i can say anything and just being myself without fear of being judged. 

To be there for me and accompany me when im bored.

He told me, i need a boyfriend.

I told him, no, i just need a friend. 

I mean it. But cant help but wonder, is he right? 

I dont want to find one just for the sake of having someone to be there for me.

Learning through consequences of finding job after feeling desperate to be employed.

I wont want to make the same mistake.

Life. So many definitions.

They say, we can choose what life we want to live.

Whether we want to pass every day happily or to be sad. 

But happiness and sadness, they are subject to influence by people around you.

Sometimes, really cant help but feel sad. Not that i want to feel this way.

But really cant help it. 

They say, its part and parcel of life. There are ups and downs.

And we grow through them. 

They make us strong.

What if i tell you, im not that strong after all?

I am afraid. I dont know what this world has to offer.

I cant see my future. I am going to spend the next tens of years this way? Omg

I am tired. This is life? 

You must be thinking, lol. I need to grow up. 

I am learning. I need some time.
Will working life change my personality?
Who will i become?
_____________________________________________________________________

As im writing this, Windows Media Player shuffled to Dreaming to you by Selena. 

Late at night when all the world is sleeping

I stay up and think of you. 

And i wished on a star

That somewhere you are, thinking of me too. 

August 26 2012 Hours 2336

My August

Dont like dont like this transition period

Where's everything is in a mess 

Everything is new, and i need to start all over again.

Warning: If you are sick of complains please ignore this post

Just wana let go of things inside my head and i will be fine. Hopefully.

Work. I can say,

I started work in an environment which i have chosen.

As in indoor, with 5 days work a week, normal office hours. 

But sadly, I am not really that happy as i thought i would be.

Maybe i am not used to it becz it wasnt what i thought it would be like.

Or maybe i just had my heart set somewhere else. 

Or maybe im just lonely.

I do not know the answers. 

But truthfully, if i were given a choice,

I would be somewhere else.

I keep questioning myself.

Where i would be at this time, next year? 

I am sorry. I dont know. 

My boss actually treated me well. For that, i am grateful.

If i were to leave, the deepest regret would be me disappointing him. 

But thats unavoidable. Unpredictable. I am sorry. 

But i just realised something.

With greater hopes, come greater disappointments. 

But if you do not even have hope, you hv ady failed.

Pray, hope, thats what i can do now and wish for the best i could.

I gave my best. I have few regrets.

My new room. 

Yes, as you can see, 

I have a bed, with a cupboard. and a table with a chair.

Just like hostel. But this is a more expensive hostel.

And it had never failed to give me problems ever since i shifted here 2 weeks ago.

First, it the internet problem. 

Okay, my phone cn connect (just 1 miserable bar) to unifi

But my lappie can only detect local connection T_T 

I read many online forums using my phone but cant seem to solve my lappie problem though i changed setting per setting

But i can easily connect to streamyx at my bro's hse. Unifi o unifi zzz

And so, hehe, thanks to a friend who is willing to lend me his cable, thanks a lot lot lot =) 

I really feel i owe him a lot, appreciated and remembered for life =) 

I can online by plugging in the cable and connect through LAN 

However, i will need to shift my lappie with all its gadgets down to the kitchen 

And everyone passing by will be looking at me as if i am having some sort of stealing line project going on

But i dont mind, okay la, i mind lol no privacy ady, but i have no choice

And one fine day, after coming home frm the weekend, i see one new modem upstairs

with NEW username and NEW passsword

And yes, no more cable is needed for connection =)

I dont know what happened. 

Maybe the settings clicked after all? =) 

Happy ^^ 

After settling the internet problem,

Here comes the water problem. 

The first no water incident happened just for a few hours and the impact wasnt that great okay

But the nxt no water incident lasted for more than 24 hours

There was no water before i left for work, and no water AFTER i come back from work

That day i was stinky smelly sweaty after spending a few hours in the warehouse

And so i left for Serdang. Thanks for offering me water =)

But this visit made me use one half hours to reach work the following morning despite going out early

I was exhausted. 

And the story didnt end there.

There's no water again ystdy. WHEN I WAS IN THE BATHROOM READY FOR A BATH =.= 

Luckily i decided to wash my clothes first rather than bathe.

In the midst of clothes washing, there was suddenly no water from the tap

Luckily the bubbles were on my clothes not on my body

If not i think i would have just cried or perhaps died waiting for ppl to rescue me

Hmm. In the bathroom, there's no water tank/pail/container. Just a shower,sink, and toilet bowl.

So i quickly wore my clothes and went downstairs to bathe. 

Since the water pressure was lower downstairs, there was still water. Smart guess. 

Bathed like a buffalo. 

Today, i was smarter. 

I used a pail to fill in water for emergency usage.

Before stripping, i tested the water pressure of the sink

If the water pressure was low, should bathe downstairs.

And i started the proses mandian berperingkat

Instead of applying soap all over, i applied part by part.

First, brushed teeth and washed face

Then shampoo-ed hair, and washed away. 

Then soaped body, and washed away.

After bathing only wash clothes. 

Just the same as hostel.

But at least, hostel, stil got warning from frens

And if there's really no water from the shower while bathing, cn just go to the opposite side and wash off remaining detergent. 

But now..

Hope that water supply cn be consistent =.= 

Hope that nothing major is next =.=

Yes, this is my life for 2 weeks

Hope, the remaining of Aug and Sept will give me a different story

God bless.

Raya break is coming XD 

Miss you, Ipoh. 

Home ♥♥♥

August 15 2012 Hours 2220

Good night, Wednesday. 

Wiping the Dust Away

Last day at home in July 2012 

As i gently wipes away the dust of my piano

And due to boredom made 3 videos using my mobile 

Perhaps too long didnt touch the keys ady, if u realise there are many mistakes =.=

I need to work hard so that I cn buy my dream house with a piano so that i can play when i want to =) 

3 random English songs, short-version

Quite old songs cz these 4 years i didnt have time to learn new ones

See if you can recognize them =) 

But first: Sorry for the poor quality, recorded using my phone which was leaned against the piano using a roll of tissue paper to make it stand lol

And plz let the video load fully before pressing the play button 

Most importantly, lower ur expectations 

Sorry, it was a random thought so wasnt dressed for video cam.

If you realise, my left hand was slightly bandaged
Need to be bandaged for 2 weeks

Hurts =( 

lol. Chunho asked why i commit suicide for Wyehon when i met them last night

Papa John's for dinner, Starbucks for appetizer, and Ice for dessert

Actually while sick cant eat ice but shhh secret XD
Enough of blogging

Time to do hw =.=

July 26 Hours 2058 stomachache recover soon =( 

Disappointment

Sometimes, i cant help but hope im not that alert

If im not that alert to pay attention to small details, perhaps i would not have realised

Should stay away from facebook and dont simply click on photo sharing options

Will i be happier not knowing? 

But sooner or later i would have known

I wanted to know at that moment, but i am afraid of the answer

So i chose not to ask. 

I was supposed to be very happy, but i ended up feeling so disappointed

I really cant help but wonder who is she

I dont know why i react this way

I underestimated myself. I am supposed to be calm. What am i doing?

Or perhaps i overestimated myself. Dropped rank ady.

And my head is now full of all the ifs.

Exactly.

July 26 2012 Hours 1055

Safe trip

Just a friend, i console myself.
As long as you're happy, I will be.
Bcz i always hope for the best for ones i love most

A Friend's Friend

Okay lah.. since im free now and im lazy to pack

Dont want to blog about emotional posts but im lazy to upload pics of outings

So let me blog about a friend's friend

Just another random post, no offence :) 

This friend's friend, 

Even before knowing him, i hv ad heard a lot about him

Cz of a comment he posted which made all of us notice him

And became topic of discussion among diff gangs of friends

Geng leh XD

First time meeting him, is cz he's kind enuf to fetch us frm Bandar Tasik Selatan back to Bukit Serdang after Bali trip

He was said to be super free

The second time meeting him, was when i become light bulb on a movie date with them

He booked a 2+1 seat but instead of me taking the 1 seat he was forced to take it

I felt so uneasy, cz i didnt know if he minded sitting alone, since he was the one who fetched us there

 I didnt know when, he became my fren on fb.

One thing i noticed about him is that,

He has even more thoughts than me.

And i thought i think a lot, but he definitely beat me to it.

He puts his friends above himself,

He thinks of them and their needs before his

I wanted to ask him, is it worth it? 

Being kind to friends and being taken advantage of, are two different kind of things.

Being free, and being kind enough to commit, are two different kind of things.

I know of instances when they are not appreciated, but i cant say anything.

Once in a while is alright, but there should be a baseline.
You're there for them, but wil they be there for you?
I know you cant calculate this way, but if its me, i cant help but think

Say no when you have to. 

Its alright to say no, dont let people treat you as their option instead of a friend.

Thinking too much. Let me share my conclusion.

Thinking too much, gets you no where unless you're willing to work for a change

Its your choice, to find a chance, for a change

Thinking too much about the past, cant change anything

Past is past, why stay in the past when the future is ahead? 

Learn from the past, but do not stay in the past.

Learning, and staying, make a big difference

And its your decision to whether fight for it, or take the alternative.

IF you have chosen not to fight for it, then dont regret bcz it was ur choice.

If you have fought for it, but still lost, then think of its worth.

Whether you should continue fighting, or retreat and start life afresh.

Either ways, you are doing something. You are not only thinking. You have fought. 

Winning or losing, sometimes, is beyond control. But be grateful, you had a chance to fight.

Some people wanted it but was not granted. Appreciate.

Rmb that, even if your beyond fighting, it doesnt mean that u hv lost

But instead, think that perhaps, fate led you this way, 

You are meant to take a different route. 

Same or different destination, i do not know, i guess, you stil have a choice to choose the path ur legs want to walk.

Let me admit, many things i have joked wit you

But i didnt know u wil take me seriously

My dreams and visions, are complicated

Far too complicated that i can ever explain to you.

There are also many things i know, but i pretend i didnt.

You say u hv high IQ. So its up to ur guess, to see if u cn guess which is true and which is not XD

But who am i to judge or advice you

I am just another person in the ocean, unsure of my directions.

There's no true or false, no rights or wrongs,

Just different perceptions, from diff individuals.

Thats why you are you, and i am me

All the best in your future undertakings

And dont be snoopy =) 

July 14 20122 Hours 1134

Goodbye Serdang

Great memories for 4 years. Till we meet again

Bali Moments- The Untold Story

Taking a break frm job hunting, let me talk about Bali after getting pics frm Fion. Tq so much
This post has been due for quite some time, but i hope to blog it out
So that if one day, if i forget, i can still read back, and rmb how much you guys meant to me
___________________________________________________________________
The booking of air tickets had been very random.
When it was booked, we were only told that, air tickets had been booked but there was no venue and no dates
We only knew it was to Bali when Ivan posted the air tickets in fb
Yuwen was very very very excited.
She packed weeks before the day. Even though we were busy about thesis, lab work, exams etc etc
Almost everyone was planning to finish thesis during the semester break.
But we went for a holiday. Haha. Final year, final sem break :)
We kept our holiday plans a secret. They were surprised.

On the 7th of April 2012, Xinyee fetched me to her house and all of us departed from UPM
Thankss xinyee :) First time taking KLIA Express
There for early dinner at LCCT .. Marrybrown

While passing the Imigration.. 

Pity some of Yuwen's liquid products were disposed cz they exceeded the 100ml allowable for hand luggage o.O Nvm can buy new ones :) 

Pic while waiting for boarding :) 

Reached there at night after an approximate 3 hours flight

The first grp picture after getting off the plane in the airport. 

These arches are a familiar sight. Unique :) 

First night in Bali. Hey Bali :) 

Thanks Ivan for arranging the accomodation :) 

We stayed at Dana Guest House and it was like a homestay experience

Two/three of us in one small cottage in which each small cottage, there's a bed, a tv, and its own toilet

But there's only cold water in the toilet.. so everyone's fighting for hot water in the public toilet outside

But 1st night i could barely sleep..

Because while i was about to sleep, the rooster started to give good morning calls =.=

Good morning 1st Day at Bali :) 

Breakfast XD We had this for 3 consecutive mornings. Haha.
Start to feel hungry now hmmmph.. 

Departure XD 

Our motorcycle gang. Yupp. We travelled across Bali on motorcycles for 2 and half days

Never sat motorcycle for so many consecutive hours.. thanks dailou for fetching me :) 

Luckily it didnt rain but we were sunburnt

Fuel for the bikes by the roadside XD 

First stop: To a famous statue by the roadside.

 Actually we passed this last night on the way back to the guesthouse from the airport but didnt stop by

Parked our bikes by the roadside and crossed the road for pictures

However it was hot hot hot and we only managed a few, and this was one of them.

Next, to Blue Point.

Beautiful place for surfing. I wana learn surfing! 

However, first, i need to learn how to swim properly. Haha. Why i stil cant swim til now. ZzZ 

Chasing the waves, in my to do list.. :) 

Group picture :) 

There, we too got ourselves some souvenirs- sunglasses and slippers. Haha

Sunglasses needed due to the sandy roads .. lotsa sand flew into my eyes T-T 

After biking for so long, time for lunch and some drinks XD 

Then, we went to Uluwatu, if not mistaken. lol. 

We were each given a cloth for respect..

Purple for females..

And blue for males..

Walau.. they were more hiao than us. Haha

Group picture before entrance :) 

Selang-seli purple and blue XD

The movie is really a success.

Cz no matter where we went, there would be a take like this :P

Take 1.. random look 

Take 2.. look left.. 

Take 3.. point at you XD 

The view from the top.. =) 

Group picture again :) 

Another group picture :) 

Had some coconut before we were off to another destination XD 

Rm5 per coconut.. so expensive.. but its a tourist destination.. so kayy

SS Picture XD Got Malaysian feel~

Somewhere on the way back, we saw this place and decided to take pics

One thing being on bikes was that we could stop whenever we wanted:) 

:)

Lol. See flat ground. Jump shots.

Looked like graduation hats? :) 

Next, we stopped at a beach. This picture was so nice.

But Shin, Yuwen and I were missing cz we decided to go food hunting 

Got some nice local food but missed out on shots.. haha. 

Hmm. Worth it cz we were hungry that time.. travelling burnt lotsa energy

Sunset. Indescribable by words. 

Ended the day with dinner nearby our guest house.

 We saw Starbucks, and lots of big food chain outlets at the supermarkets. 

We got lost on our way back T_T and spent lots of time around the area but couldnt find our house

So when we reached, we were super tired and they were waiting for turns for hot water bath

All of a sudden, there was no electricity and the whole guest house was pitch black

And Shin was bathing.. haha. he was the last one

Due to it being dark, we couldnt see a thing and decided to wait

He thought we purposely off his lights and was calling for us not to fool him

He called and hello-ed but no one answered his pleas. 

Pity him but we couldnt stop laughing... haha 

2nd morning in Bali.. =)

We woke up super early to see the beach before breakfast

They said its just like a poster. Did you agree? :) 

They took many shots of kungfu fighting in the air. They were geng. Haha. 

Anyway

Group photo :) 

Back for breakfast and departure :) 

Group picture again before departure 

This time, we observed the surroundings carefully so that we wouldnt get lost again that night

Off for shopping for souvenirs in Sukawati in which we got Bali tshirts for everyone :) 

However, the journey there on bike took a long time.. 

They were great at bargaining lol couldnt help but feel sorry though

Cz actually what they sold was ad cheaper than what we could find in Malaysia

But we kept bargaining and they had no choices but to accept our negotiations

Their profit margins were sure to decrease. Sorry, but we were students on a budget trip

Hopefully by buying in bulk, you guys would feel better :) 

Some local delicacies for lunch :) 

Actually there was a bakso picture too but i wonder where it went =.=

Next destination, to Tanah Lot to watch sunset

Full of tourists..

And of cz, the sunset was breathtaking.

Group picture of our tattoo ! XD

In Tanah Lot on the way up :) 

Yay dinner time.. 

Local cuisines :) 

Omelette-- called something else but couldnt recall

Fish XD

Vegetable XD

Fish XD 

Chicken, if not mistaken

Fish XD

Back at the guesthouse earlier than ystdy and guess what?

Once again, there's a blackout

And it happened while Shin was bathing again~ hahaha

But this time, he didnt dare to call us

But anyway, we were laughing 

And for the consecutive nights, we didnt dare to bathe while he was in the bathroom lol

Good morning Bali day 3 xD 

They went to the local market early and bought us some local breakfast XD

And we were writing postcards to one another

They wanted to post them on the way to Ubud

Later in the morning, we surrendered our bikes and turned to cars yay

And we left for another town for another 3 days and 2 more nights

To be continued =)

29 June 2012 Hours 0033

p/s Suddenly remembered- 2 yrs back, on this date, there was one significant event added to ur timeline. How time flies :)